Just because it's been years since Anthony died.
Just because I've gone on with my life the best I can.
Just because I go weeks without saying anything about missing him.
Just because I smile and laugh everyday.
Just because I have a new man in my life.
Just because I try really hard not to think about it.
Just because I no longer have nightmares about it every single night.
Just because I control my tears when the kids say something about him.
Just because???
Doesn't mean I'm not still hurting.
Doesn't mean not a day goes by that I don't wish he were here.
Doesn't mean a single thing.
Until you have been me, walked in my shoes, felt what I feel, lived what I live...
don't assume anything.
Yeah.
It's 'been years'.
It still hurts.
It doesn't feel like it's been that long.
When I heard that it's been years, it actually shocked me.
How is it possible that 2 1/2 years have gone by, as of next month??
I still hurt.
I lost my husband.
The father of my children.
The man I loved so much that I couldn't stand the thought of going a single day without.
Even after everything he put me through. Even after everything we went through.
I still couldn't stand the thought of living without him.
That's how much I loved him.
That's how much I still love him.
Yeah.
It's been years.
I KNOW.
Because I lived through every day of those 2 1/2 years, without him.
And I will still be missing him, 2 more years down the road.
And five years down the road.
And ten.
And when my kids graduate high school and college.
And get married.
And when they have their own kids.
I will still be missing him.
And when I feel so compelled, when I'm really feeling it, I will mention that I'm still hurting.
Not often, but sometimes, when I need a little sympathy and support and compassion.
I'm not doing it to suck up all this attention supposedly still grieving.
FYI.
Just because it's been years, and just because I'm going on with my life, and just because blah blahbity blah, doesn't mean I'm not still hurting.
I am.
I haven't commented the last few times I was here. I'm reading, though, and I am really sorry that you feel so down. You have the right to miss him every day forever. FOR. EVER. He was (and will always be) one of the most important men you'll ever have in your life. (((hugs)))
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