Tuesday, May 31, 2011

*~Bonnie Lea~*

My life. I wipe noses and butts on my break.
*~Bonnie Lea~*

Monday, May 30, 2011

Litttttttle bit of sunburn today
*~Bonnie Lea~*

*~Bonnie Lea~*

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*~Bonnie Lea~*

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Sunday, May 29, 2011

Athena (my brother in law's brother's dog) and her daddy bernie (my sister's dog)
*~Bonnie Lea~*

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*~Bonnie Lea~*

weekend

Yesterday was a blast.
Drew and I took the kids to the Corning Museum of Glass.
I think we had more fun than they did, but it was a nice day trip.

Then we went to visit Drew's sister at Elmira College.
She gave us a mini-tour, the kids played in the fountains and ran through the grass and climbed in the trees.
It was awesome.





















Great weekend so far.

Today will be interesting, though.
All five kiddos, plus Drew's little sister, plus Drew's daughter.
At a birthday party for my newly one year old niece!
Fun times, fun times!

Coming shortly, a couple pics of the birthday girl, Missy Moo.



















All hail queen bonnie
*~Bonnie Lea~*

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Saturday, May 28, 2011

*~Bonnie Lea~*

*~Bonnie Lea~*

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Friday, May 27, 2011

Two sets of baby feets, newly one year old
*~Bonnie Lea~*

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Thursday, May 26, 2011

Good morning, headache. Ugh. *~Bonnie

Good morning, headache. Ugh.
*~Bonnie Lea~*

*~Bonnie Lea~*

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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

random ramblings

I just tagged Anthony in a ton of pictures on facebook.
All the pictures of the kids from the last 8 months or so.
I plan to get to the rest at some point.
I want the page to be a fitting tribute.
I want anyone who knew him to be able to see the kids grow up.
I also found a few of his cousins on facebook, which is awesome.
I haven't seen them since the funeral.
Wayyyy too long.

I've been trying to take pics of the kids more regularly.
Today, for instance.
The girls and I were out front just hanging out.
They were riding bikes and coloring with sidewalk chalk.
And I pulled the camera out and snapped a few quick pictures.
I spent way more time editing them than I did taking them.




But, I looooooove taking pictures and I loooooooooooove editing them, anyway.

I need to make sure I pull the camera out at least once a week for some informal shots of each of the kids.

It makes me happy inside :o)


Anyway.
Mom and I did a quick grocery shopping trip tonight.
Which turned out to be not so quick, of course.
And resulted in bedtime coming an hour late for the kiddos.
Which meant that I only got to see Drew for a teeny little while before he left for work.
Which stinks.

But tomorrow is our afternoon together, which helps.
We're trying to have dinner together at least once during the week.
For now, it's Wednesdays.
And any other day we can manage :o)
It's getting easier to be all in the same place.
And harder to be in seperate places.
I can't wait until we can move in together.
I know it will be quite a while still, that time is months away, at the very least, but I still can't wait.
I love him, so much.
It feels good to be in love, to be happy, and to have so much hope for the future.
It's been six months and our relationship feels better every day!
This is the way love is supposed to feel.
You're supposed to fall more in love with the person all the time, not out of love a little at a time.


In other news...
it's bedtime for Bonzo.
Past bedtime.
I've been so tired lately, and I've got a lot going on tomorrow.
Photoshoot, babysitting, laundry...
ya know, same old, same old.

:o)





Charlize found a four leaf cloverrrr!
*~Bonnie Lea~*

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Charlize found a four leaf cloverrrr!
*~Bonnie Lea~*

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*~Bonnie Lea~*

Benny big boy now. Almost a year old!
*~Bonnie Lea~*

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Sunday, May 22, 2011

*~Bonnie Lea~*

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Saturday, May 21, 2011

*~Bonnie Lea~*

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Friday, May 20, 2011

*~Bonnie Lea~*

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Thursday, May 19, 2011

Baby buster bean
*~Bonnie Lea~*

Fro!
*~Bonnie Lea~*

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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

broken, but stronger

It's weird.
To think about Anthony.
To miss him so much that my heart still breaks, and the tears still fall when I see a picture.
It's weird to think about him. To miss him. To want him to be here with us.

But, at the same time, to be in love with someone else.
To want to spend forever with him.
To imagine us growing old together.

It feels like I'm being pulled in two different directions.
It feels weird to miss Anthony and wish he were here... but to be in love with and dream about our future with Drew.

It feels weird to come to terms with the fact that Anthony was my past.
He's gone, there is nothing I can do about it, and there is no bringing him back.

And Drew is my future.

I had a dream several months ago.
Drew and I had a baby.
But Anthony was there, and he helped me pick out a name.

I think sometimes about how, if Drew and I ever managed to have a baby, I can only imagine that I would wish Anthony was there to share that moment with me.

I know that when the kids grow up and graduate and get married and have kids of their own, I'm going to ache for Anthony.
Even though I have no doubts at this point that Drew will be there my side.

It's such an odd feeling/thought.

Two very different places in my heart.

I can't imagine my life without Drew anymore.
But I still wish Anthony could be here with us.

It's confusing.

Having Drew doesn't make me miss Anthony any less.
It doesn't make me not wish he was still here.

Drew doesn't fill the empty space in my heart that Anthony's death left.

But Drew has created a new spot in my heart.
My heart has grown.

Broken. But stronger.

If that makes any sense.

It barely does to me.








Tuesday, May 17, 2011

nothing in particular

Bad blogger, yes, I'm aware.
I've just been so busy and nothing new has been going on lately.

Rayce starts tee ball on Thursday, so maybe I'll have something new to post at that point.

The kids have been sick, on and off.
Bad allergies.
Random fevers.
Coughing.
Random pukes.

I was sick over the weekend.
From lack of Zoloft.
The side effects I get when I don't have it for a couple days... not pretty.
I finally found a leftover late Saturday night and picked up my prescription on Sunday morning.
I will never let myself run out, ever again.
It was baddd.

We've got a lot going on this coming weekend, and the following weekend.
Saturday, I'll be part of a highway cleanup crew, in memory of the brother of one of my best friends.
Sunday, we're hoping to go see MiMa and Grampa.

The following weekend, we're planning a day trip to the Corning Museum of Glass.

Lil Bit, the very large small dog we were dog-sitting, went home yesterday.
Now it's just Samson and Buster.
But Samson has taken to pottying inside the house.
Not cool.

I had all five kiddos Sunday and Monday, and my house is in shambles.

Today will be spent over at Drew's house, doing some laundry, vacuuming, and putting together the bunk beds to make weekend overnights easier.

Tomorrow will be spent cleaning and purging here at home.
I think I'm ready to part with some of the kids' stuff that I've been holding on to just because I feel like they *should* play with it.
Like Rayce's marble track.
He only got it at Christmas this past year.
But the bottom line it, he doesn't play with it.
He hasn't since like the second week we had it.
And it has parts.
Lots of small parts.
That get scattered, dumped, and separated.
I think I'm ready to just let it go.

The girls need to part with a few baby dolls.
And I'm thinking about putting the Littlest Pet Shop toys up in the attic for a couple months to see if we miss them.
Those are another thing.
They don't really play with them.
But they get dumped. Scattered. Spread around.
And I *think* I'm ready to let them go but I want to be sure first.
Hence the attic storage idea, to see if they're missed.

It's ridiculous that *I* have such an issue letting go of the kids *toys*.

The larger of the boys car/truck toys could probably go, too.
Including some things I got them for Christmas.
But if they don't play with them anyway, they're just adding to the mess, unnecessarily. 

I feel like I'm ready to let go of a lot of stuff.

I need to bring the rest of the summer clothes down from the attic, too.

And do a few loads of laundry.
Mostly, the clothes on the bathroom floor.
And I want to wash the kids bedding.
And mine.

I'd really like to rent a rug doctor carpet shampooer, too.

Ok, enough rambling for now.
I'll leave you with a few of the pics I've been playing with recently...






(PS... can you tell, by the pictures I chose to edit, that I'm having a hard time believing my sweet BABY is so grown up lately?!)