Saturday, May 29, 2010
I feel bad I haven't been keeping up with my blog the way I should be!!
But we're having lots of fun, enjoying the nice weather, and hanging around.
So, for now, these once a week or so updates with pictures are gonna hafta do :o)
There's been lots of t-balling.
Lots of park hoppin.
Lots of new-friend-making.
And a little bit of falling.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
I've been a slacking blogger lately, I know.
But I've been busy, like always, soaking up this gorgeous weather and enjoying my kiddos.
So, about the last week or so...
Jason and I met at the park with our crew of crazies.
We had an awesome time.
The kids all got along wonderfully, with each other, and with us.
This weekend, I photographed a wedding for one of my best friends, Candice, and her new husband Matt.
They eloped to keep it simple about 6 months ago, but did a more formal renewal ceremony on May 22nd for the family and friends to partake in.
It was awesome, and I am thrilled for them.
Then on Sunday, we went to my Dad and Stepmom's house for the afternoon.
We had a blast.
All in all, things are going really well, we're having fun, gearing up for summer, and spending lots of time together :o)
Friday, May 14, 2010
I'm having a bad day.
A really bad day.
The girls are fighting like cats and dogs.
Making messes left and right, faster than I can clean them up.
My mom asked if I would be able to get some cleaning done today.
I wanted to cry when she asked me.
I feel like all I do is clean.
I clean every day.
But it never looks like I do.
It's so frustrating.
Yesterday I spent all day cleaning the kids rooms and getting load after load of laundry done.
So the downstairs got neglected.
Therefore, Mom thinks I did nothing yesterday.
Today, the girls flooded the bathroom, playing in the sink.
They tore open half a box of tampons.
They got the Cool Whip out of the fridge and finger/toe painted with it all over the floor that I had just mopped.
Just now, Charlize did something to Liliya.
Liliya said "I'm gonna tell your daddy".
Charlize said "You can't tell our daddy, he's in heaven in the sky".
Liliya said "No, he's dead".
Charlize said "I know, he died".
Liliya said "Who died him? Who did it?"
Charlize said "no one".
The conversation went on.
As I'm sitting here trying not to lose it.
They've been talking like that more and more lately, and it's really freaking hard.
It's seriously like they're just realizing that he's not around, in the past few months.
Liliya is just now realizing that she doesn't have a daddy and most people do. She was 8 weeks old when he died, she doesn't know anything different.
And it breaks my heart.
It's so hard.
And here I am, crying, my heart broken, listening to my girls, and still thinking about all the mess that's never gonna be cleaned up, because I just can't keep up and there is no one to help.
It's just not a good day.
Not a good day.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
I haven't been online nearly as much lately.
Which isn't a bad thing.
But I thought I would give a little update :o)
Rayce is adoring t-ball. Ab. So. Lutely. LOVING IT!
He's in front, on the right.
Mother's Day was a good day.
I was dreading it.
I have a hard time because Anthony always made that day special for me.
But it was a good day anyway.
I had breakfast in bed.
A strawberry nutri-grain bar, served with a pink napkin, care of Rayce :o)
I went to Jason's for lunch and had a wonderful time, as always.
Mom and I had cake for dinner.
It was a good day.
I've been getting out of the house more with the kids, becoming regulars again at the PAL center.
I've been working realllllly stinking hard at getting the girls potty trained.
I'm soooo sick of scraping poop off an almost 4 year old behind. Gross.
I don't want to miss the window of opportunity with Liliya, so they're both training at once. Liliya is more than capable.
Speaking of Liliya, I decided the other day to put a relaxer in her hair.
I did one in Charlize's hair in the fall, and it worked wonderfully.
Liliya's hair is even more textured, with much tighter curls... the girl has her father's hair, period.
So I used the Just For Me kids relaxer.
She screamed the whole time.
Then when I washed it out and conditioned it, her hair was stick straight.
So I popped her into the bathtub and washed and conditioned it again.
It came out a little wispy/curly, much better, anyway.
I cut half an inch of fuzz off the hairs in the front to give her some 'bangs', her hairline is still so far back that she looked funny, so I did what I could.
I felt a little better.
Then last night I put some little piggytails in her hair and they were flipping adorable.
I feel much better.
I have been saying for a while now that Liliya's adorable little heart shaped face just begs for pigtails, that I could tell pigtails were gonna be her style, and now she can pull them off :o)
It's taking some getting used to, for sure.
But it's cute, and she doesn't have to scream for 5-10 minutes every time I brush her hair before we leave the house.
That's why I relaxed it. To avoid the torture of brushing her hair.
She seriously screamed and cried and was hysterical every time I had to brush her hair, it was horrible and I felt terrible having to put her through that, I know it was hurting her but it had to be brushed.
Other than that, there's not much new going on.
We're just kind of puttering along, waiting anxiously for the spring-like weather to return to upstate NY, enjoying each other's company, having fun :o)
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Jason is the new guy in my life.
And he's amazing.
He tells me I'm beautiful.
All the time.
We talk for hourssss every day.
When we get together, all we do is talk.
I don't know how we're not sick of talking to each other yet.
We met online.
Talked for a few weeks.
Met, spent 8 hours together doing nothing but wandering around, window shopping, and talking.
Since then, we have talked on the phone and on messenger for hours every day.
We have had a few more dates, all of which were wonderful.
He's a really incredible guy, and I can't wait to introduce him to everyone.
I'm glad I did.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Tonight was Rayce's first t-ball practice.
It was awesome.
When he got his team t shirt and hat on, grinning from ear to ear...
My eyes were welling up with tears that I managed to blink away before they fell.
Anthony would have been sooo excited.
We always talked about how fun it was going to be once the kids were old enough to do things.
Things like sports.
He would have been soooo proud of our amazing boy :'o)
So, I was kind of choked up for a few minutes.
Then the rest of the time I was busy taking pictures and laughing at all the kids running around with no idea what was going on :o)
I am so proud of my boy.
He has a serious attitude.
But he is growing up to be such a bright, incredible little boy.
If you know me well, you know how much I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I have no options at this point in my life.
Lost my financial aid for school, took on too much at once and failed too many classes = no more financial aid.
Can't afford to pay to go to school.
Can't afford daycare in order to get a job.
Don't really want to put my kids in the care of someone else anyway.
But I'm thinking.
And working out a plan.
My plan involves:
some photography- taking more pictures for more people, even for free at this point, until I learn more and get better. Then doing whatever I can to make this into a paying side job/hobby. I don't have to make a lot. But I truly love taking pictures, so if I can make a little money off of it, to help out, it would be wonderful. And if I can get better, maybe I can make more money, hopefully at some point it will be enough to make the following happen...
school- doing whatever I can to take a couple credits at a time, starting as soon as possible but more than likely next fall, 2011, when Liliya can start pre-k. I will take one class at a time until I earn back my financial aid, doing whatever I can to save or make enough money to pay for the classes... at about $150 per credit and each class is usually 3 credits, plus the cost of books and supplies... ouch, but I've gotta make this work. I want to teach kindergarten, it is my dream career, and I'm going to make it happen.
So, that's all I've got for now. But my gears are turning, and I'm trying hard to figure out what I can do to get myself un-stuck. Because being stuck is not a good place to be.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Spring feels wonderful.
The warm air.
The cool breeze.
The leaves bursting out overhead.
The cool rain.
A fresh start.
In more ways than one.
Spring is more a time of renewal for me than New Years.
Thinking about attempting a photoshoot with the kiddos today.
Wish me luck.
And look for the pics tonight or tomorrow.