It was a rough night getting the kids fed, ready for bed, and into bed tonight. They were crazy. I was overwhelmed, irritated, annoyed. I was trying to get Rayce showered. Liliya kept pooping. Both girls kept crying, wanting different things, getting out of bed. I got to feel like an a$$, screaming and threatening and yelling repeatedly.
It's on nights like this that I juse really flipping hate my situation.
Tonight, I would have given just about anything for someone to be like 'hey, I can see you're having a rough night, why don't you go relax and I'll get the kids in bed tonight'.
But there's no one.
For those of you thinking "why is there no one, she lives with her mom...". Yeah, I do. But my mother is not a parent to my kids. She takes out the trash and washes the dishes. Things that I would have to do myself if I lived alone, definitely. But she doesn't take care of my kids. At all. She doesn't change diapers (ok, she changes like... one diaper a month, mayyybe) or cut up their food or fix their plates or help with homework or read them a bedtime story.
And even though it's not *her* job, I just wish it was someone's job to help me out once in a while.
Then as I was coming upstairs to bed, after listening to me struggle so much with the kids, she asked me "aren't you glad tomorrow is Friday night?".
Why the hell would I be glad tomorrow is Friday night?? I'll be left alone to struggle with 5 kids instead of 3. It's not like it's some kind of weekend for me. It's not like the weekend is a break for me. It's not like I have a hot date, it's not like I'll get to sleep in the next day. What the flipping good is Friday for, in my life?
I get a break, for a couple hours, literally a few times a year.
And tonight, it's really getting to me. And I want to cry. Because I'm tired. And I'm so alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment