More often that not lately, half or more of the day will go by and I just can't understand why I'm feeling so down. Not really depressed, just down in the dumps, under the weather, no energy, no motivation to get anything done, can't seem to make myself do the things I need to do. Then, later in the day or even the next day, I'll look up at the calandar and realize it is (or it was) the 9th of the month.
Sixteen months have come and gone in the blink of an eye.
Most of the time I can keep those thoughts pushed far enough to the back of my mind that they don't manage to surface until I'm in bed at night, trying to fall asleep.
But some days, they push everything else out of the way and BOOM, there they are. Flashbacks, memories, horrible feelings that no one should ever have to experience. I'll 'snap' out of it to find myself almost hyperventilating or holding my breath, my heart pounding, sometimes even sweating. To re-live the most awful moments of my life... it takes a lot out of me.
This is the 'happy blog' for friends and family, so I won't go into details.
It's been 16 months, and as much as we *are* making it without him... there is a *HUGE* hole in my heart :'o(
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