Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year!!!

My New Year's Eve plan is to go to bed. Sad, I know. Butttt, that's me!!

I am looking forward to the new year. Greatly.

The last couple months have been full of unexpected, deep, and painful emotions, but I feel like I'm coming out of it, and it feels good.

It feels good to have given myself a chance to grieve a little bit. It's not something I have done enough. And, I buried it for so long that it happened all on it's own, without my permission. But I'm glad, because I feel better now.

Sometimes it's easier to bury it, push it to the back of my mind, and keep myself disctracted. God knows it's easy for me to be disctracted!! But it's not always the best thing.

I miss Anthony. It really effing sucks, what happened both to him and to our family. It really effing sucks what happened to me, what I lost.

To just admit that, openly... to feel it... it's helped tremendously.

It's been almost 2 years.

Holy shit, it's been almost 2 years.

Unreal.

2008 sucked big time, it was the worst time of my life and I hope I never have to go through something so incredibly painful and heart breaking, ever again.

2009 was a year of discovery for me. To learn how to be just Bonnie, the Mama. It takes a lot out of a person, to go from being one of a couple to being alone. I went through a million emotions this year, from feeling like I was mostly ok to feeling like I just couldn't keep living because I felt so lost. It's been a real rollercoaster.

2010 will be the year I begin to feel comfortable being Bonnie, one person, the single Mama. It will be the year...


Happy New Year :o)

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