Whew, looooong week.

It's been a looooooong week.

Having Mom home, all the time... it's kinda nice, and it's kinda not, all at the same time.

When things get stressful... they get *more* stressful, because Mom is home and she gets stressed more easily and more quickly. And when she gets stressed, I get more stressed. When she gets snappy with the kids, I get more snappy. Her ears have been really sensitive since her cerebral aneurysm coiling procedure, and the noise leve gets to her... quickly.

It's LOUD in here. Like... almost all the time.

I had my nephews until 7:30pm last night... almost 11 hours. It was a loooong day. It was a loooong week. And I'm glad it's almost over!

Mom went out tonight, she's going out tomorrow, and it's not just a break for her LOL!!

I picked the boys up tonight. I miss them. I had them Tuesday afternoon/evening, but like I said... it was stressful. I didn't really feel like I got to enjoy them. I didn't really feel like I got to SEE them (hence the lack of expected pictures from Tuesday evening). So I'm looking forward to tonight and tomorrow.

Mom and I got cable hooked up in our bedrooms today. Yayyyy!!! Now I can watch tv in my room! I usually put the kids in bed right around 8 and stay in my room after that. I play on my laptop or watch a DVD (thank you NetFlix!) until I'm ready to pass out. But I missssss tv so much! And now I can watch it!! We got a second DVR also, but for now there's one in Mom's room and one in the living room. With just the cable hooked up in the living room, we don't get Noggin/Nick Jr, and that's the only channel the kids really watch (well... they will watch Nickelodeon and Disney but I can't flipping stand all those obnoxious commercials that leave the kids asking "Mama can we have that? Mama can we get that?" every other flipping minute. And I don't really like them watching SpongeBob... Noggin is just better all around, edcuational, child friendly, and commercial free...). So although I have thought about taking the DVR to my room... it just seems better off downstairs for now. But since the kids go to bed at 8 anyway, I can still watch most of the shows I would wanna watch when they come on, without DVRing them.

Rayce gets his school pictures taken on Wednesday!!! OMGGG!!! I am sooooo excited, I can't wait to see them and get them!!!   :-D

I feel like a kid in a candy store somtimes, with all these new experiences coming left and right.

I had a few rough moments today.

Mom and I went to Fashion Bug. Anthony and I used to go in there, to look for maternity clothes and what-not, and when I was pregnant with Rayce, we made friends with the manager Amy. She helped me find maternity clothes for all 3 pregnancies, we would take the kids in to see her every time we were in Vestal, she helped me pick out my wedding dress, we took her our wedding picture and she hung it up in her house. I couldn't remember if she knew what happened or not, so when I saw her today, I had a serious wave of anxiety wash over me. Turns out she did know. I have no idea if I told her or if she just found out. But then Charlize was telling her "My Daddy has a TV that is pink". I have no idea what she was talking about or thinking about, but it bothered me. Then tonight she came into the kitchen while I was cooking and asked me when we could go to her Daddy's house.

What exactly do I say to my just barely 3 year old who has no concept of death?!?! She doesn't understand 'heaven'. She doesn't get it. At all.

And it really hurts me when things like this come up and I just don't know what to say to help her understand.

It hurts me that I should have to explain (AT ALL) to my kids that their father is gone and he's not coming back, ever. I'm 24 and I still have a hard time accepting that he's gone forever... how can a 3 year old comprehend that?! My poor babies    :'o(

So... yes. It's been a looooong week and I'm glad it's almost over.