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Saturday, October 24, 2009

Whew, it's been a crazy one

It was chaotic today.

It is most days, true.

But it was especially chaotic today.

The kids were up till after 1030 last night, and they were up at 7am anyway.

I left the house a mess last night. I let the kids stay up, hoping they would sleep in. So I didn't clean up. So when I came downstairs this morning, bright and early, I fed the kids, changed diapers, and had to clean up, sweep, and mop first thing.

Of course.

As soon as I was done, the kids dropped pieces of bananananana on the floor and then stepped on it. On purpose.

Then they spilled juice. Two cups of it. On accident.

It feels like such a lost cause some days.

I gave the kids all a bath before naptime.

Most days when I have Holden and Dante I give them all a bath before I take the boys home. But it's so hectic trying to get everyone fed and then bathed and then dressed in such a short period of time. So I decided to do it at naptime today.

My kids don't all fit in the tub anymore. But they have a fit everytime I try to split them up into 2 or 3 tub fulls. If I just put a couple of them in the bath at once, I can't keep the other kids out of the bathroom and out of trouble long to bathe the ones in the tub! So, this has been a dilemma lately. They usually end up all going in at once but then the hair washing is a *serious* challenge. Because there is no room for anyone to lay down to rinse. And since they're getting older I feel like they need to start taking baths seperately anyway.

*Sigh*. What's a Mama to do?!

~*~*~*~*~

For the last several months, Holden has been calling me Bonnie occassionally. Dante has always called me Bonnie more than Mama. But I was Mama to Holden for 2 1/2 years. I was the one who got up with him at night. I was the one who fed him his first bowl of baby cereal, who gave him his baths, who tucked him into bed at night. He always called me Mama. And it hurts my feelings when he calls me Bonnie. I tell him that yes, I am not his mother... Megan is his mother. I am his stepmother, and I have taken care of him a lot, and he can call me Mama if he wants to. Megan said she didn't mind if he called me Mama. Of course that was 1 1/2 years ago, maybe she feels differently now and she's told him not to call me Mama, I don't know.

Since I had that discussion with him he's called me Bonnie less. But it still stings when he does :o(

Speaking of Holden, I have been having a really hard time with him lately. He's always been stubborn and a bully. But it's been getting worse. He will just WAIL on Dante if Dante ticks him off. Like knock him down and punch him repeatedly. He's started spitting. He's been biting Dante as well. Of course Dante never gave up the biting so I can't tell if that part os Holden retaliating or what. He is so defiant.

I KNOW that probably half of that, if not more, is because of everything he's been through. That poor baby has been through more than any of us. He not only lost his father (which was even worse for him because he was *totally* Daddy's boy), he lost his stepmom (not completely but pretty much... I had been his primary caretaker since he came home from the hospital) and the home and family life he knew, all in one blow. He was only 2. He was old enough to know things were very, very different but not old enough to process any of it. My poor Bubba :'o(

I know that one day all of these kids will be old enough to understand everything that happened and appreciate the part I played/play in everything. But for now, it's all so confusing for them.

~*~*~*~*~

It's 820pm and I could go to bed right now! I have been going to bed a LOT earlier, most nights. Some nights I've been knocked out cold by 830. But it's obvious my body needs it, and I've felt better during the day when I get more sleep at night. There is really no reason I should need 10 hours of sleep per night... but hey... ya do what ya gotta do!

Don't forget to go vote for my beautiful babies here at the GAP casting call!!! You can vote every single day!


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