Missing

I go through stages.

Of missing him.

Sometimes I'm good, I don't think about anything too much, and I'm reasonably content with life.

Sometimes it hits me all over again and it's really bad. And the last few days... have been rough.

I just miss him. So much. I can't even begin to explain it. Sometimes it's just unbearable.

With Rayce's parent teacher conference yesterday....
then the kids tipped over our junk stand, where a lot of pictures had been stuffed. Pictures of Anthony. Pictures of Anthony's from before we met. Balloons. Cards to and from him. Letters back and forth.

It's rough :'o(

I miss my husband. I still have a hard time believing he actually DIED. How does that happen? He was fine. He was perfectly fine the NIGHT before. We had pizza for dinner. We watched a movie. I handed him the baby and kissed him goodnight and went to bed.

How do you go from THAT to literally just keeling over? Seriously?!

I just don't understand.

I'll never understand.